Time Will Tell - New Country Music

Time Will Tell - New Country Music

I did something big lately. I recorded a new song at home on my computer, after just a couple of takes and finished my latest, Time Will Tell.

Big for me, as I know hundreds of kids make amazing music on their computers everyday, But big for me as I normally obsess over perfection, stew over new music and our production, delay everything with my perfection issues, have a meltdown in the studio because I don't sound like Adele, but this story, I just needed to tell. Because the words and their meaning have been haunting me. 

I sang Time Will Tell first at our recent opening for Carter Winter at Rebel Lounge. I am so grateful for those who were at the show and reached out about this song. And thanks to those who didn't email me their feedback. Ha!  

Songwriting, is really amazing. I've found some stories that are real and raw come quick and this was no exception. And those songs that come fast, are usually my favorites too. It feels miraculous at times. And, It all works, because there's no time to second guess myself, I guess. Questioning my gut feeling or reaction, can get me into trouble. You know what I mean????

More than anything, this song, it's the real truth, what else is needed.  And the guitar, well, just genius as usual. I gave Scotty, literally two takes, that's it, and he nailed it. He knows I'm impatient and I secretly like to test him on how fast he can get it right. He's a master at recording.  

There's no looping or auto-tune or rewrites or the band. Just me and this story that kept haunting me and Scott's guitar.

This is Time Will Tell. 

The Risk List


The Risk List

So, I said I was going to take more risks in 2018 in my newsletter. Then, I realized I didn't know what exactly I meant, like what I was actually going to do. Then I realized this, If I fail to plan, I plan to fail (Benjamin Franklin), so I made a Risk List on the back of my vision board this year. Not even a pretty one. A super simple list of the risks that have been lingering in the back of my head that I have basically been petrified to do and want to do this year. Boom! The goal this year is to stop my personal cycle of of not doing these "risky" things and then bitching about not doing them and not getting a better or new result because I didn't do them. Lordy - obviously I coulda been a rocket scientist! 

One of the downfalls of being a sensitive person, is that I'm sensitive person which can be debilitating over the tiniest little "risks." But my sensitivity is my super power too. like, namely, it helps me write and write songs which I seriously enjoy. As as I am looking at my risk list, it's not really that risky. So what has been holding me back?

Me. Those voices in my head that say, "You're a divorced single mom. Stay home. Only the married people or the never-been-married, who of course are more deserved than you, get to do fun things, have friends and homes and love in their lives. Not you. You had your chance to be grateful for what you had, and you blew it." I woke up today and realized, no one else has ever said this to me. Those that know me know I love my family and was heartbroken, drowning in stress, postpartum depression and surrounded by too many negative, selfish voices feeding my negative, selfish self, "You deserve to be happy, get out of this toxic relationship and focus on YOU." Those people, by the way, were gone in a hot minute once the divorce was complete (losers). I have repented. I have suffered severe consequences. But the shame and guilt are no longer serving, it's kinda getting annoying. And to conquer these little, lingering smudges of shame, I'm gonna take some new risks this year in all areas of my life. And to be honest, my divorce brought my son and his father closer to God and to faith, and for this, I am forever grateful and I learned to use my voice - beauty for ashes. But moving forward, crisis can't be the only catalyst for change, risk-taking can be.  

Speaking of divorce and related this week, an old friend reached out to me, in a flirty way, texting me his marriage was in trouble. Did I have any advice, he asked? Yes, I said. Don't text other women, especially not ME (cause I get fired UP about divorces and family). And fix your marriage by being humble and kind. Risky? For him yes, but not a good risk. Let's keep to positive risks that improve our lives, not ruin them.

Actually, this is the second person this year who's reached out to me, kinda wondering if the grass is greener on the other side of divorce. I wrote these words in "I Want to Go Home," the grass may seem greener, where life ain't never tread...But there's something I shoulda told you when I left, that I Want to Go Home." That was my experience. 

Back to the voices in my head, I'm outnumbered by the grace of others who are welcoming and kind, so time to be kinder to myself. Being kinder to myself and forgiving myself is kinda a risk as well, maybe the biggest one this year or EVER. I wouldn't treat a friend the way I, most often, treat myself. Boo - truth bomb. 

My risks aren't really that complicated, and especially clear to me after writing them down, but still seem Goliath to me. I honestly wrote on my board, ask another mom from school to coffee, so I can make new friends. This is TURNING my stomach to be so vulnerable, but really, what is the risk? In an interview with Marie Forleo, Tim Ferriss defined risk (loosely) the likelihood of an irreversible outcome. Well, pretty sure an hour over coffee won't irreversibly damage me or her in any way and is a great step towards making new friends which is a goal this year. Also, I started a blog which was on the list, so I'm already killing it and it's not killing me, except that I'm shaking while writing this. Overcoming the fear isn't totally fun yet, probably because I haven't gotten any positive feedback yet (feel free to cheer), but that will come. I have to be, ugh, patient. 

Singing in front of people at our favorite venues has been the biggest risk I have been willing to take for some time. But again, time to step it up. Seriously, it's still risky. It's still scary to use my voice and tell my personal stories even in front of friends and family. I still self-sabotage in the littlest ways like, not planning my stage outfits then worry about how I look, wondering why no one is crying to the sad songs about my feelings, not telling jokes because I'm convinced Troy is the only person who laughs but he kinda has to laugh because he's in the band and feels bad for me, freaking because I can't sing covers exactly like the my favorite starts because I'M NOT THEM. Duh. But, time to take some risks on stage as well, while everyone is watching. We'll see how this goes and if you're reading this, please laugh at my lame jokes. 

So, back to the risks. What are you going to do? To make your life bigger, more joyful, make more of an impact in your circle, create a life that feels fulfilling? What's on your Risk List? Make one. And, I'm on a roll so let's start a Facebook group for risk taking, voice-using, encouragement, accountability and kindness. Join here



New Year, More Risks

Wow. 2018 is already busy! Happy New Year to you!

2018 for me is about taking RISKS. Getting out of my head, out of old habits to grow and thrive. Hope to see you along this new year, new journey. 

One of those risks is this blog. I started my first blog in 2007, it was a fashion blog. It was fun, I loved it, called FashionPhoenix.com. But there was also something false about it for me as it grew. Though I love dressing up and wearing beautiful things, I was uncomfortable with the attention I got just based on my looks. I was trying to impact women and connect with others, which at the time, was pretty radical, I thought. Now, it's the norm with millions of blogs, vlogs and influencers, and I love the growth as I thrive on connecting with others. Certainly, connecting with others has been the priority for me through my music. And I hope 2018 Honeygirl can make a bigger impact. And it certainly, we don't always have to cry together, though I'm awesome at tears. Getting together and having fun and sharing music is always one of my favorite ways to connect with others as well. 

Another reason I'm ready to blog is this: I need a real outlet to share real shit. I scroll through Facebook and social and there's so much positive, happy, fun, joy. I got that too and I love the positivity. But also, where can I find a friend to share, "I'm fucking losing it right now. What do I do?" Some things can't be worked out alone and if I keep it inside in my head, who knows how a little thought is it's gonna grow outta control. If you wanna be that friend who's kind, considerate, super honest yet positive, no matter where you are in the world, please reach out. I hope that I can be that friend to others this year as well.  

If you missed our first show of 2018, The Tribute to Bruce Springsteen on January 6 at The Rebel Lounge, totally my fault. You missed a great show! Truth, it was harder than I thought to bring Bruce to life with a Honeygirl flare and I was scared to death. But, we did it and I'm glad we did as it was awesome. Special props to newcomer Landon on the keys, killing it on the piano for "Because the Night," which is now a regular in the set as is he.